A Cry For Help

I was ganged raped twice as a teenager and been abused most of my life. I choose to bury these inside me because no one in my family ever believed me. I have always had bad dreams about them but still never spoke of them. I am now having them again but something has been with it………..

I was 16 years old and took a friend to visit his girlfriend. I told him I would wait for him in the car, about 5 minutes later a guy comes out and says that my friend wants me in the back and to follow him. I do and as we are turning the corner at the back of the house I am grabbed and pushed into a dark garage. Someone pushes me down almost hitting my head on something, I start to scream but quickly a hand covers my mouth, then I feel hands everywhere stripping me of my clothes, my blouse rips and my pants pulled down. I hear at several voices but I can’t scream because my mouth is still covered, tears running down my face as a struggle to get free then I hear a mean voice tell me to shut up as he socks me in my face making me feel dazed. I don’t remember to much more, I just know I feel someone entering me 6 times times before I hear a familiar voice yelling to get off me. I see my friend and his girlfriend who ran to my side and helped me up and to my car. They took me to my friends and helped clean me up before sending me home.

My dream then jumps to a year later when I am babysitting for a neighbor. I hear a knock at the door so I open it and there stands 4 guys, 1 was one of the guys who raped me the year before. He pushes through the door, hits me and says to me that since I called the police on him for what he did a year ago I was going to pay. He then started beating on me stomped me and then all 4 of them took turns raping me. The last guy whispered in my ear saying that he was sorry and that him and the other two guys were told they had to do it or he would hurt someone in their family. As they were leaving the one from the year before stood over me and told me he should of killed me and they stomped on my chest. I thought I was going to die then all of a sudden I feel something cold against the side of my head and hear someone say “All your pain is gone now” then the trigger is pulled, the gun is shot, I feel darkness and cold all around me but I am alive. I sit up and I see light, I’m warm and I’m alive.

I have had this dream several times but about 7 months ago I saw the shooters face, it was my oldest son, he had tears running down his face as he said those words and smiled when he pulled the trigger and was still smiling when I sat up. About a month ago I started having the exact dream but now I can’t see the shooters face and the voice is different. I am confused and truly crying out for help.

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